For the past few years, I’ve always made a point to share my feelings on and about Mother’s Day with you. But for the past few years, I’ve not really said much about Father’s Day though I did very strongly think about it. Because infertility effects a couple, not just an individual, not just the woman… To be honest, I’ve really wanted my husband to share his perspective with you all – but the truth is – that whole “feelings thing” isn’t really his thing and I’m not the type of person to push him into something he’s not comfortable with – especially something as personal as this.

But I do want you to consider that just as Mother’s Day is difficult for the childless mother, Father’s Day is equally difficult for the childless father. I may not be a man, and I may not have personal experience with what this feels like for a man, but I can share a few things I do know about my husband and our infertility.

My wonderful husband has wanted to be a dad since he was 8 years old. Most of the time when you ask a little boy what they want to be when they grow up they say things like a fireman, a doctor, batman… Well Ryan always said a dad… always. That desire to be a daddy has been a part of him for a long time.

I can tell you that when he was in junior high and high school, he volunteered at Sunnyside – a local school for special needs kids. I’ve heard from countless of the people he worked with about how amazing he was with these kids. And he has such special stories about these children. One little girl was terrified of men. She would scream and run away if Ryan so much as looked at her. But overtime, his quiet, calm demeanor won her over, and she always sought him out and wanted to hold his hand. (And the tenderness with which he talks about this little girl would melt your heart.)

I can tell you that when we started dating, I learned very quickly how good he was with kids and it was definitely one of the things that made me fall in love with him. There were a lot of little ones in his extended family and at the big Coventry Thanksgivings – Ryan would run around outside with them, playing games, throwing snowballs, and just having fun. They all loved him… because really, he’s just a big kid.

I’ve watched this man develop strong bonds with so many of our friends’ children. I’ve seen that joyful twinkle in his eyes as he gets to play and interact with them. I’ve seen him calmly and lovingly reprimand a child who’s not behaving. And I’ve seen the pain when friendships end and those children are no longer a part of our lives.

I’ve spent 12 amazing years with this man and I can tell you without the slightest doubt that this man was meant to be a father. He has a God-given gift with children unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. And it makes my heart hurt for him that another Father’s Day is going by that we don’t have children of our own.

So really what I want to tell you today is that – yes – infertility is hard for women. But it is also hard for men. And they so often choose to be the strong ones. The rock for their heartbroken wives. So this Father’s Day – I encourage you to show them kindness and love. Because this road is hard for everyone who walks it – whether they speak up or not.