When I started writing here over 7 years and 900 posts ago, I mainly used this space to post about my business and share my photographs. Because that’s what you’re “supposed to do” when you’re a photographer. You get a website and you start blogging. I was so new and fresh to this world of owning a business that I just followed the pre-determined rules… decided by whom, I don’t know… and I did what everyone else was doing.

Along the way, I started figuring myself out. I started finding my voice. I started to realize what I, personally, was meant to be doing. And my blog evolved into what I now lovingly refer to as my Online Journal. I went from sharing only things about my business to sharing so much more! I share my beautiful clients and the portraits I get to capture for them. I share outfit ideas and style tips for your portrait sessions. I share about my fine art work – whether that’s painting or my gratitude project or my composite work. And I share a lot about my personal life…. And that last bit is sometimes trickier to share.

When I write… I don’t tend to have an objective in mind. I’m not trying to sell you anything. I’m not trying to write a novel or teach you something… My point is – when I write, I’m telling you truths about my life. I’m relaying things that happened or what I’m feeling or something I’ve experienced. … Honestly when I step back and look at it – I’m just journal-ing. I’m not trained in writing. I have no real learned skills at this. A lot of times I just sit here and stare at my screen for a little bit and then the words just start to come.

So I’m just going to say it – I realize that Monday’s post wasn’t all hope and sunshine and rainbows. And I know some people didn’t like that. And that’s okay. But I can tell you what it was. It was honest & real & genuine. I tell you guys all the time that I will always tell you the truth… That’s a promise I feel like I’ve made to you, and I intend to keep that promise. I’m not going to lie to you guys and pretend that things are all fine and dandy if in that moment – they really aren’t. Because who does that actually help?

I started sharing about our journey through infertility well over a year ago because I felt called to do it. I was terrified to actually share such personal and difficult pieces of myself, but I kept feeling this nagging, pushing call to write about it. So one day I did, and I hit that Publish button before I could change my mind. With that first post – I immediately had people from all over start to reach out to me. And I realized that as hard as it is to share my feelings and shortcomings and what-not… That something good was coming from this.

Okay… So here’s my thing… I think there are a lot of people out there like me… people who feel broken. We are the ones who struggle invisibly. The ones who forever feel like we don’t quite fit in or that something is wrong with us. Maybe you live in constant anxiety. Maybe you struggle with depression or addiction or OCD or ADD or an eating disorder. Maybe you struggle with infertility. Or maybe it’s something completely different. There are a lot of things out there that people struggle with on a daily basis and hide from others. And, unfortunately, they often hide it for valid reasons.

Because our world is ill-equipped. There is no class on empathy in high school. There are no required courses in college on how to help a grieving friend or learning when to be silent. And people unintentionally say the wrong things sometimes. People often just want to help – and they are so eager to provide what they consider to be The Answer. Or sometimes they don’t understand and they are too quick to write off a real issue as a simple phase or an exaggeration. And sometimes people think that feeling sad is a choice or something that needs to be fixed. When maybe it’s really something that we desperately need to allow ourselves to FEEL. Because sometimes acknowledging what’s really going on is what we need to do in order to HEAL.

I shared my reality with you all Monday because I have promised to be honest here on my journal. If I only post about when I am strong in my faith, when I handle things really well, when I’m super successful – well then I’d be a total fake. I’d be lying to you guys. Because no one is perfect. Life doesn’t look like that. My life sure doesn’t look like that! Honestly – it’s messy. It’s whole lot of loss and heartache and anger. But it’s also full of strength and growth and compassion. The deep experiences of one often help to develop the other.

So sometimes we need space to grieve. And that’s okay. Those feelings are real and they needed to be felt. And there’s no reason to be ashamed of them. There’s no reason to need to deny them. No one… No one is happy all the time.

And for those of you who read my posts, regardless of whether they are happy or sad, and stick around without judgements. Thank you! You are the stuff real friends are made of! 🙂