So I figured it was time for a long overdue baby journey update. I realized I haven’t shared much about our journey on the journal since my initial post in March of last year. I’ve had a number of people following the little snippets of our journey on my personal instagram account and I’ve posted two entries on my thoughts during this journey (here and here) but I decided it was time to post a more detailed update here. I’d been hesitant to share any details with anyone until we knew more about what was going on. I had an anxious week or so between appointments with the uncertainty that had arisen. But now that last Thursday’s appointment is behind us, I feel more comfortable sharing…

My previous visit with my doctor on December 30th did not go as I had hoped. I went in for a follicle scan (which is done via a transvaginal ultrasound) the goal being for them to check out my follicles and let me know when the optimal time would be for Ryan and I to conceive. The last time I had one done – we found my bum ovary on the right side with all the lovely little pearls of follicles around it – the sign of my PCOS. But everything lead my doctor to believe that my left ovary was all good. So this time going in to look at my left ovary, I was hoping to see one ripe follicle ready to be fertilized. I laid down with the ultrasound technician and she began the exam. She was awfully quiet so I, being the curious person I am, asked, “How I’m looking in there?” Kelly stayed kind of quiet though… which is never a good sign. And I found out pretty quickly why… Instead of the nice happy follicle I was expecting – there was nothing to see at all. I’m not gonna lie to you guys – I was SUPER upset! This was not the news I was expecting or wanting. I had gone in confident for good news and here I was with nothing… Not only is my right ovary riddled with PCOS, but now it’s clear that I’m not ovulating either. My little balloon of hopefulness felt incredibly deflated as I left the doctor’s office on Thursday.

With this new insight, it was decided that we needed to check and see if my fallopian tubes were blocked. If they were – this could account for my lack of ovulation. However, depending on the level of blockage – it can be a risky procedure to have your tubes surgically cleared. It can result in infections and tubular pregnancy – which is when an egg implants into your fallopian tube and as it grows, ruptures the tube and you suffer from internal bleeding, which is often fatal. Most of the time – doctors recommend doing IVF, if this is the case, so as to avoid these complications. Needless to say, I felt like this appointment was going to be a huge turning point in our journey. We’d either hear good news or bad news. And regardless of the news, it would determine what the rest of baby journey was going to look like. I did a lot of research into every course of action we might take and Ryan even started looking into adoption. Information brings me at least a little comfort when I’m feeling stressed.

In spite of all my research, going into our appointment on January 8th, I had no idea what to expect. There are multiple approaches to checking fallopian tubes for blockages. The most common I’d heard about was with X-rays and a thick contrast fluid injected into your tubes. However, my doctor chose a different approach which I hadn’t heard about and honestly – there was no preparing for the level of intense discomfort it created.

The method used for me on Thursday was with a transvaginal ultrasound and saline fluid, I think it’s called a Saline Infusion Sonogram or SIS. Basically they take a catheter (which is a thin tube) with a tiny little balloon on the end. They insert this catheter into your cervix and then inflate the balloon to block the opening of your cervix thereby directing the saline solution into your uterus and up into your fallopian tubes. The placement and inflation of the balloon on the catheter wasn’t particularly comfortable because it puts a great deal of pressure on your cervix. But what followed was so much more unpleasant! They inserted the ultrasound wand in so they could see what was going on, and then the awful part of pushing saline fluid up into my nether regions and into my fallopian tubes. Think about how long a woman’s pregnancy lasts and how much time her uterus has to slowly stretch and adjust to the growing, stretching little being inside her – now speed that up into a minute or so of fluid being forced into your uterine cavity and stretching it out… yeah… not fun! I don’t think it lasted very long, but I was so uncomfortable I’m not entirely sure how long it did last – maybe a minute or so. Then the wand and catheter were removed and I was left to recover. It took a few minutes for the pain to subside because the fluid was still up there putting pressure on those areas. But the nurse was super sweet and they made sure I was comfortable while I adjusted.

After a few minutes the doctor came back in and explained that my tubes had been blocked and that’s why I experienced so much discomfort. The procedure wasn’t just to see if my tubes were blocked like I had originally thought, it also served as a method to safely clear them out. He had to apply extra pressure and push much more fluid through in order to successfully break loose the blockages and clear out my tubes. Because of the procedure and the amount of pain I was able to handle (thank God for a high pain tolerance) – my tubes were able to be cleared safely. He explained to me that many people think this method is too old school and prefer to go in with a scope and examine the tubes and then clean them out while they’re asleep. But this method is cheaper and often more effective. (And since our insurance doesn’t cover any of this – I’m grateful for a cheaper, safer option!)

So as of today, I still have PCOS, which effects my right ovary, and that’s never going away. But there are things I can do to help manage those symptoms and I’m working on that everyday. As of Thursday last week, I officially have clean fallopian tubes so now follicles can actually make their way through and to my uterus to be fertilized, which wasn’t happening before. Plus, I’m being put on a drug called Femara or Letrozole (which is the generic version), which encourages ovulation since it doesn’t appear I ovulate on my own. But after the uncertainty and anxiety of the past week and the discomfort of that procedure – I’m feeling even more hopeful. Another hurdle was overcome and we’re moving further down the path to starting this family we so dearly want.

I have to give thanks to a few people today. First to my amazing husband, Ryan, who, as always, has been my steady rock through this whole journey. He’s helped try and keep me calm and talked me through my worries. And kept me comfortable over the weekend when I had some discomfort occur. And I’m so grateful he came with me to the doctor’s office up in Bloomington on Thursday so that I didn’t have to go through that alone. Second, to my amazing best friend, Erin! Without her encouragement and recommendation of an amazing doctor – we wouldn’t be where we are today on this journey. So the growth of our family is really made possible because of her! To my amazing NP, Deb Gromley at BroMenn in Bloomington, and her staff! I’ve never had so much trust or hope from a doctor in all my life as I have with her. And her staff have made me feel welcome and comfortable as well. And lastly to all of you who have been saying prayers for us! I know there are many of you and I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am! I truly believe in the power of prayer and your love and support has been a huge encouragement to me! So thank you!

So that’s the whole of it! We’re still moving forward and still hopeful that the Gagnon family will be growing in 2015! Have a magnificent Monday everyone!