I have been thinking a lot lately…. I shouldn’t say that. I think a lot all the time… probably too much really. The more accurate explanation is that I was thinking a lot about one particular topic lately.

If you’ve been reading my journal for a while now, you may recall my post about our struggles trying to conceive (link to that post here). There has been several Sunday sermons over the past few weeks focusing on the idea of going before God. Not asking or expecting him to give you things before you pray for them. But to surrender yourself to His will for your life. And as always it’s a wonderful message but one that can sometimes be difficult to hear. Because it left me in a spot questioning what God’s plan for me is, and whether or not a child is part of His plan. As much as I long to be a mother – ultimately I need to learn to accept whatever His plan for me is.

So I’ve been thinking on this a lot and praying and trying to be quiet and listen to what He has to say. Ryan and I have had many a conversation about it too. Not about giving up but about how do you know what He’s calling you to do. How do you know if you’re following the path He has put before you. And I’ve really been praying hard that He help me figure out what it is He wants of me and whether I’m on the right road.

Well a few days ago I shared this little God moment photograph on Instagram. I had been hiking by the lake because I needed some time to create just for me. And I found this beautiful little spot on a trail. I stopped to take a picture and just as I clicked the shutter this heron took flight. I could not have planned it better if I wanted to. It was completely a gift from God that the heron appeared. Well I was showing the image to Ryan and I was looking at that heron and thinking about how God sent him into my view at the perfect moment. And it hit me! … HE SENT THAT FOR ME… HE WAS ANSWERING ME… I just kept staring at that bird as the thoughts joined together in my mind… God moment… my path… a sign… the silhouette of the bird. And it struck me how much like a stork it looked… the bird we say brings us our babies.

Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe I’m reading more into it than is really there. I know sometimes we see what we want or need to see. But I believe God sent that bird for me. Whether in response to my questions or not – I believe it was his subtle way of telling me to calm down and that I’m on the right road. That I’m not selfishly pushing towards a goal that He doesn’t have in store for me. And it makes that little moment of gratitude be filled with a new level of gratefulness – for that sign and the hope it holds for me.