Does Jesus know you love Him?

These were words that echoed in our Pastor’s head last Sunday when he woke up. Off and on all morning – they repeated themselves in his mind… “Does Jesus know you love him?”

He shared these words with us. And talked about how easy it is in our lives to get so caught up in all that needs to be done, in our own busy-ness, to forget to let those we care about most know how much they mean to us. And this is no less true with God. Sometimes we may take Him for granted – knowing that He’s always there, that He will take care of us. And in truth – we all too easily forget ….
Our relationship with God isn’t about us…

You know there was a time when we were nothing more than objects of God’s wrath. We only escaped His wrath through Jesus’s death and resurrection. And yet here we are today asking for things. When really, shouldn’t we be grateful for what we have? Shouldn’t we be content with our relatively peaceful lives. …Isn’t our salvation enough?

How powerfully these thoughts and words hit me. We so often go to God with prayers – asking… asking… asking. I too am guilty of this. I found myself needing this reminder… That it isn’t about me. That anything I do, am, or accomplish is because He has made it so. He created me, he gave me my gifts, I still live and draw breath because He has granted me life. Shouldn’t I just be grateful – and yet I still go before Him and ask for more.

There was so much in this sermon that hit me right in my heart. And as the music started to play again following his preachings I found myself teary-eyed and hurting. I try to live my life with a grateful heart. I always have and the fire in 2011 only re-solidified that idea for me. But in the past year or so I’ve allowed bitterness, anger, and self-pity to creep in. It’s never managed to take hold but there are moments when I see them rear their ugly heads. I’ve seen myself praying to God for this child my husband and I so desperately want. Feeling that it’s my right as a woman and wife to procreate – to participate in the miracle of child birth. Believing that if I just wait long enough and pray hard enough – it will happen…

But I realized that Sunday I’ve been wrong. I shouldn’t be telling God what I want and begging him to give it to me. I should be thanking him for each day I have and asking him to dwell in me. Instead of doing all the talking – I’m starting to be quiet again. To open my heart to softer thoughts and listen for His words and guidance. I’m trying to be more open to what His plan is for me. Even if it isn’t what I had hoped my life would be. And as I thought on this and opened my heart to the possibility that motherhood may not be His plan for me – the music played and the words brought me to tears.

… “I shout out Your name, from the rooftops I proclaim
That I am Yours, I am Yours
All that I am, I place into Your loving hands
And I am Yours, I am Yours…”

This is the truth I’ve been trying to keep remembering. That I belong to Him. That my life is His. Focusing on gratitude more. Asking for less. Being open to His plan for me. Allowing myself to feel that empty space in my heart but living in hope that He has a plan for me. Learning patience and stillness to hear Him. And continuing to seek Him everyday.