I’ve literally sat here staring at my screen for hours… writing a few words… deleting… rewriting new words… trying to figure out what to say. Because what is there to say, that I haven’t already said? I guess I’m trying to decide what you need to hear… Do you need encouragement? Do you need to feel less alone in your own journey? Or are you someone who needs to hear some hard truths from this side… the infertile side of Mother’s Day?

Well, let me start with something easy… Something that shouldn’t surprise you…

I dread this day.

For those of us who struggle to grow our families, Mother’s Day is certainly one of the most difficult days of the year. For the past six years, I’ve wished we could just skip over this holiday. I’ve wished that I could stay home, and avoid the unintentionally hurtful words that might be said. I’ve wanted to avoid church, and skip out on that isolating feeling of being one of the very few childless women in the room as all the mothers stand to receive love and encouragement. I dread the mommy-club mentality that I see and feel so often. I’ve wanted to avoid family, and really just nurture myself.

And really none of these feelings have faded over the years. Being in the midst of the adoption process hasn’t changed how I feel. Because in truth… we’re still waiting. I still experience the pain and heartache of accepting that I’ll never know what it will feel like to have a child growing inside me. I’ll never see my child bouncing around on an ultrasound or experience childbirth. I’ll never be able to look at my children and see my eyes and Ryan’s nose. And the waiting… it’s still waiting… And the uncertainty is still there too… There is a very real possibility we might never get matched… And all these things are brought to the forefront on Mother’s Day and make me want to just hide from the world…

But… every year, for the past six years – I’ve brushed my own feelings aside and taken care of everyone else. Because that’s who I am.

And as I wrote those words… it occurred to me – isn’t that what mothers do? Put their own needs aside and put the needs of their family first?

So here’s what I say to you today…

I don’t care whether you have biological children, whether you’ve adopted, whether you’ve lost a child, or whether you have yet to be blessed with them – we are all Mothers in some way. We, women, are nurturers and there are so many ways we fulfill that title. Be kind to yourself this weekend. Take care of yourself. And know that I love you fiercely. Happy Mothers Day to you!