So after my last Baby Journey Update, I received a number of messages from other women on a similar path. It’s always simultaneously heartbreaking and comforting to find out others are going through similar experiences. There’s a support there, a collective “Thank God – you get how this feels!” But in chatting with all these amazing ladies, it occurred to me that it might be beneficial to share some of the things that help me stay positive through this process and not fall prey to my natural pessimistic and depressed state. Now I’m not saying I never have a jealous or angry or bitter moment. And I’m not saying I’m always cheerful and optimistic. But I have found some things that have helped me in my low points to try and get back to a happier frame of mind. So these are my seven tips to make the road easier.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
This is such an important point! It is so easy on this journey to see your friends and family getting pregnant and to feel jealousy or angry or just straight up grief. And if you’re like me – you then feel bad for feeling that way, which in turn makes you feel even worse. Let me clear this up right now – you’re feelings are completely valid! It is normal and OKAY to feel envy, frustration, irritation, or pain when seeing those around you succeed where you haven’t. These are natural human emotions and they NEED to be acknowledged and felt! Ignoring your own feelings, bottling them up and letting them burn you up inside is not helpful to you or anyone else. Allow yourself the space to feel whatever you are feeling and know that you are not a bad person for feeling that way!

2. It’s Okay to Say No
It can be really hard to attend events like baby showers or family functions when you are struggling to conceive. It is perfectly fine for you to opt out of these events if you need to. You can still send a gift if you’re worried about any hurt feelings too. Christmas is always particularly hard for me because all the little ones are running around, but it’s a holiday event I cannot miss because I love my family. It is perfectly okay to separate yourself from the kid-based activities if needed, and if you need a minute to go cry – that’s fine too. Remember – allow yourself the space to feel what you need to feel and know that your family and friends will try to be understanding of what you’re going through.

3. Hide Facebook Feeds
This was something I wish I would have started doing early in our journey. Our lives are so caught up in social media these days. And for the couple struggling with infertility it’s fraught with heartbreaking reminders of their lack of success with each new pregnancy notification. So do not be ashamed to hide someone from your newsfeed for a while or to leave a conversation. Those little visuals each day can be tiny little jabs to your psyche all day long and can greatly effect your mood and life. Do yourself a favor and hide the things that hurt you on facebook – you’re days will get a LOT better for it!

4. Gratitude Project
Before I was able to openly talk about our struggle to have kids, this little personal project helped me in ways that to this day I don’t fully understand. Anytime I start to feel down or upset or frustrated or anything like that – I grab my camera and start taking pictures of the things that I love or that I find beautiful on that particular day. I love photography so this gave me a chance to create just for me, it reminded me of the things I was grateful for, and it helped me get in a better mood. Now I’ve done this with writing a list (or just writing in general) and I’ve even painted to express whatever emotions were weighing on me. The point is – find an outlet. Find a way to convert those negatives into a positive and over time it will start to feel more natural. These days I automatically start creating and moving into positive activities when I’m feeling down and it helps turn my mood around.

5. Talking
Once I finally decided to open up about our struggle to have a family (after a lot of encouragement from a couple close friends), that’s when things really got easier. It’s strange but sharing our journey with others has made this situation seem less like our (mine and Ryan’s) struggle and more like OUR struggle. There’s this whole group of people out there praying for us and rooting for us and another whole group of people who are in the same boat and I feel like we are supporting each other too. The realization that you are not as alone as you think you are… and actually seeing that from all the people you end up in contact with… is incredibly helpful. I am personally here for anyone who is struggling with infertility and happy to chat with anyone who just needs a listening ear and compassionate heart.

6. Support System
I have a few super close friends, my husband and our family all supporting me and us in this process. It’s nice to know that if I’m having a bad day – I have a handful of people I can call and talk to whether it’s to actually talk about the situation or be distracted from it. Having these people in my life that understand that I have good days and bad days – that sometimes my medication doesn’t like me and I don’t feel like going anywhere – these people make this process so much easier. Once you develop your support system, you’ll wonder why you ever tried to do this alone.

7. Spiritual Support
Now I’m putting this one last because I know this isn’t something that necessarily applies to everyone but it is hugely beneficial to me. I’m a Christian and so I believe in a loving God who has my best interests at heart even if I don’t always understand His plan for me. Reading my Bible and studying it, praying, and just sitting quietly with Him, have been hugely beneficial to me. And when I pray – instead of begging for this child I so dearly want – I ask Him to provide me with the strength and wisdom I need to find His path for my life and to follow His will for me… no matter what that may be.

So there they are – my seven little tips for those struggling along the same road I am. Like I said – I’m not always joyful and optimistic. I have many hard days mixed in with my good ones, but I have found that the above things make this journey so much easier and help keep the hard days fewer and farther between. I’m thinking in the near future I may post some tips for the fertile on how to be kind to your infertile friends. Until then … have a wonderful day and I hope you all find your happy space!