I’ll be honest and admit that I’ve been hesitant about writing this post. I certainly don’t want to confuse people or lead them to believe that I believe all birth mothers are scam artists or that birth mothers are terrible people. This could not be FURTHER from the truth! I am in awe of the strength, courage, and love a woman has to have in order to place her beloved child into someone else’s arms. That’s a level of sacrifice I don’t know if I personally would ever be able to do… But I’ve always believed that the reason I’ve been so open with sharing things here is to help others and this post could help someone else avoid the same experience we had.

After Ryan and I experienced our first adoption scam, I did some research because I had no idea this was even a thing. Come to find out, adoption scams have been happening for a few years now and are not uncommon. (And for what it’s worth there are scams from adoptive parents and agencies too.) With the increase in these ploys, some trademark signs have been found that can warn you of such a situation. So I wanted to share here some of the key warning signs in hopes of helping others from avoiding the heartache we endured.

Timing
One of the first warning signs you may note is the timing. Scams often happen around holidays like Christmas or Mothers Day when hopeful adoptive parents may be most vulnerable. It’s also common for them to claim that the due date is fast approaching and need to meet over a weekend when you have no one to call. Of course, just because you get a call at Christmastime doesn’t mean that it’s a scam but it is something to be wary of.

No Phone or Address
If the birth mom refuses to give you an address or phone number or anyway to contact or stay in touch with her, this could be a sign of a scam. Of course, the birth mother has every right to protect her identity and to be hesitant about giving information away. But you need to be able to get in touch with her just as much as she needs to be able to reach you. So if she claims you won’t be able to call her – be on your guard.

Twins
As odd as it may sound, twins are a common sign of adoption scams. I’m not entirely sure why this is the case. Perhaps because it makes hopeful adoptive parents more grateful and willing to help (financially). Or maybe because it’s another way to increase the vulnerability of those so eager to become parents. Whatever the reason, if a birth mother tells you she’s expecting twins, be sure to ask for proof of pregnancy and be hesitant.

No Proof of Pregnancy (or not legitimate)
Scamming situations often mean birth moms don’t have any proof of pregnancy and they’ll have an excuse for every request of proof. If the birth mother does have an ultrasound picture, be sure that her name and details are clear in the image. (It is far too easy to steal an ultrasound image off the internet and claim it as your own).

Quick Match
If a birthmother seems quick to say that you are a perfect match, it may be a scam as well. She may even make statements like telling you that “you look just like the father” or that she wants you to be there when the baby is born. This is typically done to try to rope you in with certainties and security in hopes of acquiring support financially, emotionally, or otherwise.

Pregnancy Details Change
If the birthmother changes her story about the pregnancy, it may be a reason for concern. When there is no real pregnancy, a birth mom may change the details of her pregnancy, like how far along she is or what the doctor has told her. Obviously, if she’s not really pregnant, she doesn’t have real information to share and she’s just making it up. So if you’re concerned you might be in the midst of a scam start asking questions to see how consistent her answers are.

Crisis for you to Solve
It is very common for a crisis to arise that the birth mom will claim only you can solve. This is often a situation that requires monetary support to “fix.” For this reason be sure to always assist your child’s birth family through your agency or social worker and never give them money directly.

So there you have it! Seven signs of an adoption scam. Of course, every adoption is different and you certainly shouldn’t approach every birth mother as a scam artist. But it never hurts to be aware of the signs and protect yourself from possibly being taken advantage of. Even if you’re working with an agency or facilitator (like we were) these adoption professionals may not protect you or warn you about this possibility and what to look for. Hopefully, this little article will give some insight into what might be a possible risk.