I saw one of those facebook links today… you know the ones that say “Find out what your ideal man looks like?” or “Learn what 2017 will look like for you!” Well, this one was “Which Moments of 2016 Defined You the Most?” Did I click it?… yes I did. And it was fun to watch the images and text slide across the screen. To be reminded of little moments from 2016 that were fun or good or happy.  But the thing I couldn’t stop thinking about was how little this video actually really captured my defining moments in 2016.

I know this is a topic that’s been talked about a lot in recent years – this idea that social media really only shows our highlight reel, our best moments. And it’s sadly true. As someone who started sharing honestly here on my journal over two years ago… someone who shared not only the highs but my truthful lows – I’ve experienced both the appreciation and the lack of appreciation for my honesty. Some people don’t want to hear about or see the negative. Some people don’t want to know you’re in pain. They want you to rush through your grief. They don’t understand and they don’t care and they only want you to post about sunshine and rainbows. And then there are the people who get it – the ones who are in that same pain. The ones who need to see and hear it so they too feel less alone. (These are my people by the way – the ones who live honestly and appreciate all of life – not just the happy moments.)

If I’m 100% honest, I pulled away from public openness this year a bit. I personally feel like I needed to. I was tired of messages I was receiving from people who don’t really know me and didn’t really want to understand, telling me to “get over it” or that I needed to “stop whining.” And for my own sake – I chose to stop. Not because of these people but because I needed a break from the judgments and negativity I was receiving for simply being honest.

So I watched my video this little app put together and was reminded of how much was not captured here. I was reminded of all the moments I CHOSE not to share because they were way too painful or too personal. There were so many moments that defined not only 2016, but they also impacted and further defined me. Some were good and some were not. I can honestly say there are at least two major moments that did not appear in that video and I haven’t shared them here (they were only shared with a select few). And these were moments that affected me in an immense way. Things that are still impacted my life, my choices, and my perspective now. Because let’s be honest – life is beautiful and wonderful, but it is also incredibly hard and painful. Who we become as individuals is not only defined by the bright happy moments we chose to share on facebook, but also the moments that we never share with anyone.

I guess, I say all of that to say this. Remember that social media is only a fragment of reality. It NEVER tells the whole story. Those people whose feeds you see – they are so much deeper and more complex than what you’re catching glimpses of. If you really want to know someone – if you really want to be friends with someone – you need to let go of the internet and connect IN PERSON. Because some things, some truths can only be shared when we look someone in the eyes. And everyone is more complex than what we see on social media.