So I’ve had this blog post sitting here waiting to be written and shared for… I don’t know… probably a year or two. It’s been a LONG time! And there are a variety of reasons I kept putting it off… I had more fun things to share like sessions or fine art work or more important and impactful things to share like tips and realities of infertility. So it just kept getting moved further and further back until here we are and I’ve decided it’s time for me to sit down and work on this… because it’s important too and it’s certainly something that should be talked about.

So let’s just be honest and admit we’ve all failed. Yes – I don’t care how amazing you are – you have failed at something at some point in your life. It may have been something little like losing at a game of cards or it may have been something big like getting divorced or flunking out of college. The size of the failure isn’t necessarily what’s important but rather how we feel about it and how we let that effect us. Let me explain…

Okay so I (for example) HATE to lose. I have this horrible innate need to be good at things. I have several theories about why I am this way but mostly I think it stems from a childhood need to be loved and accepted and feeling that I had to be exceptional at things in order to earn that. So this hatred (or fear) of losing (read “failing”) often means that I’ll avoid the things I’m not good at… or it means that if I think I might not be good at them I’ll pass too. Like if someone asks me to play a board game – I often choose to watch because I can’t handle losing or because I’m afraid of being teased if I am terrible at the game. Or if someone asks me if I could play the piano for them – I will without hesitation say no.

Or let’s talk about this weight loss… Guys – being almost 80 pounds down… the thought of one day waking up and realizing I got lazy and let it all come back – that definitely concerns me a bit. I mean at the beginning – it was certainly an easy excuse to not get off the couch, to not watch what I ate. Because if I wasn’t trying to lose weight – I couldn’t fail at losing it. And for most of my life I had done just that – fail at losing weight – (with the exception of the times I was OBSESSIVE about it, which was totally unhealthy). So sure – fighting for those weight loss goals was simultaneously exciting and terrifying because it meant I had the opportunity for success… but also the potential for major failure!

We could talk about my business too… When jumping into this business – the fear of starting it up and putting myself out there only to find myself not making a profit and unable to provide for my family… that certainly has been and sometimes still is a concern of mine. We could even talk about the feelings of failure that stem from infertility… But I could go on for days about that. There are so many ways we can (and sometimes do) fail each and every day.

But can I just be real and say that after way too many years – I see now how truly sad this is! And the even sadder fact is I think there are a lot of people out there like this. People who won’t take that class or won’t apply for that job or won’t ask that girl out – because they’re afraid of failing. They’re afraid of what it means if that pursuit isn’t successful. And what they fail to see is that they are missing out on so many beautiful possibilities because of this fear!

My family is all basketball fans so I often heard the quote “you miss 100% of the shots you never take.” And this is so true about other areas of life too. If you keep telling yourself that there are no jobs out there for you or that no one will hire you – guess what? You’ll end up being right! So apply!!! So what if 2 or 10 or even 20 places turn you down… you just might find one place that is absolutely perfect and wants to hire you! If you never ask that girl out on a date because you’re afraid she’ll say no… you’ll never get the chance to find out if you two were meant to be. If you don’t take that class because you’re afraid you’ll fail – you’ll never be able to pursue that degree or job you have your eye on.

Here’s the thing… the idea of failing… it’s scary. It’s scary because we can be afraid that those failures define us. That they will shape our future. But I’m sure you’ve heard it said before “it’s not our mistakes that define us – but how we move forward from them”. What you decide to do after failing… that is what defines you. Do you let it eat you up? Do you let it hold you back from trying new things in the future? Or do you learn from it and run head first into the next opportunity.

Additionally, I think we worry even more so about what other people will think about us if we fail… I know once upon a time that was a fear I had about this business. What will people think of me if I go into business and I don’t make any money? What will people think of me if I’m terrible at photography and design? What will people think if I share my actual thoughts and feelings on this online journal? And the list goes on and on.

But here’s the thing… at the end of the day – it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of me. All that matters is that I do the best I can. I live a good, kind, and loving life. I take care of the people I love. And that I know I gave my all. If I can look in the mirror and be confident in those things… whether my business fails, a project flops, people don’t understand, or whatever failure it happens to be – then I did good and I have nothing to be ashamed of… and neither do you! So be BRAVE! Fight that fear of failure and use each shortfall as the spring board into your next idea, your next success!