I wanted to share another fine art piece with you today. As you guys know I’ve been slowly creating and sharing pieces from my self-portrait series that I’m calling The Journey. The series deals with emotions and things that have happened along our road of infertility like hope, strength, anger, sorrow, etc… The many moments that comprise the whole. You can take a peek at all my fine art work features here.

So let me ask you a question… have you ever felt powerless? Overwhelmed? Defeated? That’s the idea for this piece… that feeling of being powerless. I often feel this way. I felt (and still feel) powerless in the face of our infertility. Knowing there is nothing we can physically do to grow our family naturally. Knowing that we will never have children who look like us – little beings born out of our very love for one another. I feel powerless in the process of our adoption. Not knowing when or if we will ever be chosen by an expectant mother. Having no idea what we’re doing ‘wrong’ and why we’ve had no success. I have felt powerless over my weight and my health in the past. It didn’t matter what I tried to do – nothing seemed to work. There have been countless times I have felt powerless in the wake of my mental health – whether that was overwhelming panic attacks (which are absolutely terrible FYI) or dealing with depression or fighting against the thoughts my brain likes to place in my head… There are so many instances in this life where I have felt powerless. Where I have felt myself shrink and withdraw and become small. And truthfully – I work really hard every day to combat that urge – that desire to disappear. It’s hard for me to be so transparent and raw here and out in the world. But I’m trying guys – I’m trying.

But anyway – I digress – this piece is about that feeling. That feeling of wanting to shrink and hide, of feeling powerless to fight the shadows that work to overwhelm.  Because I really don’t believe we can be strong ALL the time. There are going to be moments where it’s just too much. When we’ve been strong for too long. When we’re worn and weary. When we just can’t fight that wave of darkness anymore. And I think it’s okay to be weak in those moments. To feel powerless and overwhelmed. To admit that it’s just too much right now. Let yourself have that and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for it! You are allowed to be imperfect! You are allowed to hurt and feel weak! You are beautifully human and this is part of the human experience. So have no shame for these human moments.

Just remember that they should be moments… not months or years. And if you feel powerless and overwhelmed for too long – do not hesitate to get help. Reach out to friends, family, or a counselor. People who can help you feel like yourself again. We all struggle. We all need help sometimes. And there’s no shame in admitting that you can’t do it alone anymore.

For the creation of this piece, I set up this simple backdrop in my living room with one of my Boxdrops by SJP backdrops and a dining chair. I then took a slew of images of myself in different positions – both in the chair and around it. I tried to create a posture that conveyed the feeling of powerlessness in the solid image of me in the chair & postures of dominance, looming, and overpowering in the poses of me around the chair. I did (finally) remember to screen record this one so you can check that speed edit out below

And here’s the completed piece

I’m really happy with how this one turned out – it was a spur of the moment idea. I had the drop set up and I wanted to create something. I didn’t go into this one knowing what I was going to be doing – it just unfolded as I worked. So I have to believe there was some divine guidance with the creation of this one too. I love hearing what you think – so please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments! And I’ll try and create another image to share with you guys real soon!