It’s a weird path we’re walking down. I do have faith. And I do have hope. And I do believe that there is good on the horizon for us. I don’t know what God has planned or when His plans will become clear, but I believe that He is good and He is present. But in spite of that hope, there are some days or moments when I find myself in mourning…

There are days that we’ll be watching a show on TV, and someone on that show finds out they’re pregnant. The mother to-be gets to watch as her husband’s face lights up when she tells him he’s going to be a daddy. He looks at her with happy, joyful tears in his eyes. And I feel my own eyes start to cry as I mourn that I may never get to know how that feels. I may never get to see my husband’s face light up with that news. I may never get to bring him that joy. I watch as these TV couples have those exciting moments of sharing the news with their friends and loved ones. Everyone is so elated for them. A baby is on it’s way. And I feel that sadness settle in again knowing that I may never get to feel the thrill of telling our friends we are finally expecting.

I go out to the store to run some errands and I see people buying onesies, bottles, diapers, and cribs – preparing their homes for their little one on the way. I walk past stuffed animals and little light up toys and puffy books. And though I manage to keep myself collected by staying focused on what I need to accomplish, in the back of my mind I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever get to experience the fun of planning for my own little one. Will there ever be a crib or a room in my home chosen and designed with love for our own baby?

I see moms feeling their uterus stretch and grow. The unreal sensation of those first little kicks. The discomfort of morning sickness, swollen feet, constantly having to get up to pee, and just all around being ready to be done. And though I feel for them and what they are going through – there is nothing I want more than to experience those discomforts coupled with the joy of knowing that I have life growing inside me.

I see new moms on social media sharing iPhone pics of their first moments in the hospital as a family. And I feel a sudden sting knowing that I may never have those fuzzy pixelated proud parent photos to share. I may never get to experience child birth or the joy of holding my child for the first time. Not only that but I find myself reminded that many consider my family of two (and two furbabies) as not a true or valid family unit. To some we are only a couple… because the term family is often reserved only for those with children.

I watch as so many of our friends and family get pregnant. I watch them get to experience those special milestones: first steps, first words, birthdays, first days of school… all their little achievements over the years. And I mourn the moments we may never get to have… the celebrations we may never get to enjoy… the pride we may never get to feel…

I share this with you all today simply to say that even though we made our choice to follow God’s call for our lives, it’s not an easy one. There are hard days. More than I care to admit. Days where I mourn the moments that may never exist for us. We haven’t lost our faith and we aren’t giving up. But rather we’re learning to accept the reality that His plan might not be the same as ours. And sometimes that’s a hard pill to swallow. It’s why I am so exceedingly grateful for the amazing people God has placed in my life to support me, share scripture, encourage and uplift me. In spite of my moments of mourning, I feel infinitely blessed in this season of waiting.

I also share this because you never know a person’s mind, heart, or soul. Whether the situation is like my own or not. If you have a friend who you feel is not being as supportive as you want, maybe there is a reason for that. Maybe there are hurts there that they cannot bring themselves to share with you. They may feel broken, ashamed, or embarrassed. They may simply not have the words to express what they are feeling. Or they may be terrified of what you might think of them if you knew what was going on in their mind.

If you do have a friend struggling with infertility – try to keep in mind what they might be going through. This road often leaves you feeling like less of a person. It can drain you physically, mentally, and emotionally – leaving you exhausted from always feeling as though everyone else’s joy is more important than your pain. If you’ve ever struggled with infertility, loss, or depression – you’ll know what I’m talking about. That idea that someone else having a baby (or getting promoted or married…) – doesn’t take away the pain that I am not. The idea that something good is happening to you – doesn’t detract from whatever heartache or sadness I’m feeling.

And for those of you struggling, can I tell you a secret? Your pain is just as important as their joy. We are all entitled to our feelings! And those feelings of hurt or grief or jealousy or sorrow – they are completely valid! And they deserve to be felt!

Let me ask you something – have you ever thought about how often we brush aside the validity of someone’s sorrow for easier things? Just think about it… I see it happen all the time! An easy example is at a funeral. We are literally in the midst of those who have lost someone incredibly close to them. But you’ll see people in line, joking around and talking about happier things. It’s a natural inclination. Even those struggling with hard issues have been taught to brush it off with a laugh and change the subject to something lighter. We’ve been taught to be strong and to not cry and no one wants to hear your woes.

But I wonder… What would the world be like if we were all open and honest about our hurts? What if we took the time to try and see things through someone else’s eyes? What if we learned to support one another & to not run from those hard topics? Personally, I think this world would be a much more beautiful place. It would be one full of compassion, understanding, and love… and those are things we all could use a little bit more of.