It’s been a few months ago now, I got a letter in the mail from my Grandma. My Grandma is a sweet lady and sends cards to all her grand-kids for birthdays and anniversaries. (How she keeps track of it all amazes me!) This particular card didn’t land on a birthday, anniversary or holiday, so needless to say I was curious what the occasion was.

I opened the letter to find a little magazine clipping, $20 and a note from my grandma. My grandma said she had read the story in her magazine and was touched by it so she was sharing it with me. I stopped reading to read this story – curious to see what had touched her. Of course with a stork on the cover – I knew this would be related to our baby journey. And indeed it was.

The story talks of a married couple who were struggling to get pregnant. The wife’s mother was deeply saddened to see how this struggle was hurting her daughter. Being a Christian woman, the mother prayed to God that He might grant them a child. One day (near Christmas time) the mother was struggling with what to get her daughter for Christmas, knowing that the one thing her daughter wanted was something she couldn’t give. She prayed to God again and heard Him tell her that she should buy a yellow dress because her daughter would have a son by Christmas. The woman was skeptical but she chose to listen to that voice and buy a yellow dress. Long story short – after a years of ups and downs the couple ended up adopting a little girl (just before Christmas) and shortly after got pregnant with a little boy of their own.

So this was the story that touched my grandmother. It moved her to send me this story attached with a letter and $20 “to get a Teddy Bear for my future great grandchild. The baby’s first gift when he or she gets here.”

I’m not gonna lie. I cried. I was so touched by her thoughtfulness and desire to help. I so loved her faith that this will happen for us. And I so loved that she took the time to share all of this with us.

I’ll admit. I was hesitant to buy anything. The amount of hope that would be wrapped up in this one little thing. I thought that if this doesn’t work out – that toy could break me. It could be the thing that makes me a sobbing mess. That lonely little toy with no child to play with it.

After some encouragement from my support system of friends. I decided to just look. There was nothing saying I had to buy the toy now. I could just look and see. And if something spoke to me – then I’d know. Ryan and I browsed at stores in Decatur and never really found anything that pulled us. We casually looked for a while actually. It wasn’t until after I found out some thoroughly disappointing news (a couple months ago) that I decided to gather up the courage and run into Toys R Us. I had driven up to Bloomington for my appointment and found out the follicle we were hoping was an egg was only a cyst. I’ll admit – I didn’t think this was the ideal time to walk into a store designed for kids and babies… but I felt pushed to go… so I did. I walked up and down the stuffed toy aisle trying to find the perfect teddy bear, when my eyes fell on this….

This little bunny. He caught my eye. And as I grabbed him off the shelf I felt stinging tears in the corners of my eyes. I know Grandma said teddy bear – but this little bunny… he caught my attention and I couldn’t let go. I kept looking but I kept coming back to the bunny… I don’t know if it’s because we talk about rabbits being super fertile or if it’s because we had rabbits as kids or if my brain extrapolated bun in the oven to bunny… Whatever the reason – this little toy rabbit grabbed my heartstrings and refused to let go.

So I walked out of the store with this little toy. (After paying of course) This little bunny has become our symbol of hope. If you come to our house you may find him in different places depending on the day and my mood. But he is never far away. This little bunny… my grandma’s note… they started a chain of hope for me. We may still not have answers. We may not be anywhere closer to our desire. But every time I see this little toy I am filled yet again with hope.