I don’t know when it happened. I only know why.

For so long, I felt so alone. I felt like no one would ever love me. Probably because I didn’t really love me.

Meet high school Stephanie. She was shy, quiet, and incredibly self-conscious. She worried about everything: getting good grades, being liked by everyone, getting approval from her parents, being the perfect size, and on and on and on. She got sat on. Yup. Freshman year & sophomore year, she was sat on in the gym. If that doesn’t add to a kids invisibility complex I don’t know what does!

Through it all, I think all I really wanted was to know that someone could love me. Exactly as I was. Someone who saw me for me and loved all my flaws and imperfections. It was something I wanted, but never really thought was possible.

I put my heart in all the wrong places. I wanted to be wanted by all the wrong guys. I even got hurt by a few friends too. And the walls started to build up around me, protecting me.

But a boy… a boy changed all of that…

I remember the first time he hugged me… I can still see us sitting in his parents’ basement talking. It was dark, quiet and cool. For the first time ever, I opened myself up. I shared something with him. An insecurity that I had never shared with anyone else.

He spoke the most genuine heartfelt words to me. Told me that he thought I was beautiful and that he wouldn’t change a thing. And then he wrapped his arms around me and embraced me.

… I cried. This feeling just welled up inside me and came out in deep shaking, silent sobs. Wrapped in his arms, I knew I was loved & accepted… exactly as I was. That feeling I never thought I would experience… It was overwhelming & it just came bursting out of me. And he held me close and let my feelings flow.

Somewhere between then and now, I have managed to break down most, if not all my walls. I’m much more open than I ever used to be & I’ve embraced and accepted myself for who I am. Weird quirks and all. Because of this openness and self-acceptance I am much more quick to love and embrace others. Sure – it may cause me pain in the end. But I’d rather live a life full of love than a life with no pain.