It’s something not many people know about me. But I enjoy writing from time to time. I mean, yes… I write on here but I feel like a lot of times that’s different.

See, I’m an introvert. (Another thing a lot of people don’t realize.) I hate being the center of attention. When I did that live shoot earlier this year for our CILPPA group, I had some serious anxiety issues I was dealing with before and during the shoot. I honestly didn’t realize how bad it was until the meeting started. I’m not a fan of big group things either (that’s why I don’t often go to big conferences or conventions & why you’ll probably never see me at something like Imaging USA). I have mild to moderate panic attacks over big things like that. Even with people I love (like family), big group things cause me stress. I actually occasionally have issues with claustrophobia too – to the point that if you put me in a room with a lot of tightly packed people I will get physically ill. Yeah – probably too much information there but now you know haha.

So yeah – small groups are much more comfortable for me. Don’t get me wrong – I love people! I love meeting new people and getting to know them. But preferably in smaller groupings. It’s why if you see me in a big group setting, you’ll probably find me chatting with one or two people at a time, kind of out of the way, and I may only chat with the same two people the whole time. I just get overwhelmed and anxious in big loud groups.

But another part of this whole introverted thing is that I think… a LOT! We’re talking my brain pretty much never shuts off. I usually have at least (at the very least) a dozen conversations going on in my head at any one time. But I don’t always know what they are because they’re all just buzzing away at the same time up there. So from time to time, usually late at night when the world shuts down around me, I can finally calm myself enough to focus on just one thought, whichever one is strongest. And the urge to write will come over me. It’s not usually pretty or anything magnificent but it’s a way for me to let the thoughts come forth. I just place my hands on the keyboard and let the words flow.

And I sometimes find myself fascinated or shocked by what my brain needs me to get out. I rarely know where I’m headed when I start. I just let my thoughts carry me. Sometimes they’re stories… things that happened that day or from the past. Sometimes it’s something I’ve been dwelling on (and maybe didn’t even know I was). Sometimes words appear on my screen that make me stop because I didn’t know I felt that way about something until I wrote it. It’s a weird and humbling thing.

I often share little excerpts from my ramblings on Instagram, but I’ve been debating sharing them here too. So what do you think? Is anyone interested in my late night ramblings or does that just seem silly? I’d love to hear from you!